Category: Relationship

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Paralyzed By Rejection

Rejection can be traumatizing. It starts with a seed that is planted in our lives as a result of
situations and circumstances we have experienced. Rejection is the sense of being cast aside, or
discarded. Sometimes when as child you are have heard more NOs in your life than Yes’ you
might begin to feel that there is something wrong with you. A sense of worthlessness, poor self-
image and hopelessness might set in.


Rejections might be hard to bounce back from and could be paralyzing. There is a paralyzing
effect of rejection which if care is not taken might be difficult to recover from. Rejection can
make you doubt your ability to succeed at anything. Some forms of rejection could be subtle in
nature. One good example is an individual who is very diligent and carries out his duties with
excellence but never receive a commendation from the organization they serve while others
around them are being recognized, they are overlooked. Another example is when you have
had a broken relationship or a divorce and the devil speaks some lies into your
subconsciousness that you are unlovable and you decide to lower your standards and be a
people pleaser.


No matter how much rejection you have experienced you can move forward and flourish. The
first thing to do is to discover your origin in Christ and acknowledge that the God of the Bible is
your Father and your Mother (the source of your origin). Forgive and release those who have
rejected you and renew your mind with the truth of God’s Word.

  • Rejection is a temporary setback; you can always bounce back “the righteous man may fall seven times and rise again” (Prov. 24:16)
  • Rejection does not determine your self-worth, you were bought with a price, Christ has determined that you are worth dying for;
  • Reach out for help; talk to a Christian counselor or coach;
  • There is a purpose in your rejection, learn from your experience and look forward to your best years which are ahead of you. Forget the things that are behind and look ahead; (Phil 3:13-14)
  • You will surely come back stronger and healthier if you do not give up.
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What Are Your Limiting Beliefs?

What are your limiting beliefs

Limiting beliefs are beliefs that are self-deprecating. They are thoughts that 10 out of the 12
spies had when they went into Canaan to spy the land. The giants looked bigger to the 10 spies
than the God who parted the Red Sea and brought the Hebrews out of Egypt, the giants of
Canaan looked bigger than the God who provided them with Manna, Spring Water and Meat in
the wilderness.

beliefs can be self-deprecating


Sometimes, limiting beliefs come as a response to past traumatic experiences. It you’ve had to
fight hard to achieve various milestones in your life or you’ve had to deal with obstacles and
challenges that have paralyzed your faith, you might begin to have beliefs that are limiting. The
Fear of Failure is a limiting belief. For several years in an abusive marriage, I was told how much
of a failure I was and how worthless I was because I didn’t bring in much income as a Pastor. In
my sub-consciousness, I began to see myself as a failure and had to fight the voice in my head
that kept telling me how much of a failure I was no matter how much I tried. The fear of failure
crippled me. I published books, developed courses and was gifted in many areas, highly
cerebral, intellectual and Spirit-filled, but the fear of failure kept me bound. I learnt to conquer
those destructive limiting thoughts with the Word of God. I do speak life over myself and
constantly replace the negative thoughts with God’s thoughts about me.


Another limiting belief is Perfectionism. Perfectionism is an obsession with flawlessness and
perfection. It is always concerned with what people will think. Perfectionism comes with critical
self-evaluations, self-doubt, unrealistic expectations and excessive concern with mistakes and
errors. Perfectionism wants to prove a point to others. Yes, we are called to excellence, and,
excellence allows for imperfections and mistakes. Excellence is concerned about the process
and the lessons learnt on the journey while perfectionism is concerned about the outcome
which has to be flawless. Many perfectionists suffer from anxiety.


Give yourself grace, you are not out to please man but God and God sees you where you are.
Do not be afraid to fail; failure is not when you get it wrong, failure is when you quit and refuse
to be all that God has called you to be. Do not allow your beliefs to limit you. God has more for
you and you need to trust His process.

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Co-Parenting

God’s intent for the family is for both parents to be present in raising their children. A child
needs both parents to flourish and to be whole.

Sometimes, what we see on the outside to be a perfect marriage could end up in divorce, so what happens to the children? Never use your child/children as a bait to get back to your ex. You have chosen your own path your children are a gift from God and did not choose their parents. Even if you and your spouse decide to go your separate ways, please take care of your children. Do not speak evil of your ex to your children, even if he or she was a monster.

We sometimes forget that our children are human beings although little in size and younger in age,
they have eyes, ears and brains. They also have emotions and can perceive things. They will one
day grow up and figure things out by themselves, but please do not damage their tender
emotions by speaking evil of each other, be civil.

I have seen some couples thrive better as friends rather than as married couples and although
they have gone their separate ways, they chose to be civil and be respectful towards each other
for the sake of their children and for old times’ sake.
“Lo children are the heritage of the Lord and the fruit of the womb its reward” (Psalm 127:3).

Dos and Don’ts of Co-Parenting
 Allow each parent to enjoy visitation rights, except in an abusive or life-threatening
situation.
 Do not deprive the child or children of love, care, provision and shelter.
 You can still make joint decisions about the welfare of your child or children.
 Avoid unnecessary drama, do not scar your child/children.
 Swallow your pride or ego and make the child/children your priority.
 Child support is not a punishment, it’s your financial responsibility towards your
child/children; be faithful and God will reward you.
 Don’t lie about your income so as to reduce your financial responsibility towards your
child/children; God is watching and you will reap whatever you sow.
 If one parent cannot meet certain obligations for genuine reasons like health challenges
or financial challenges and you have the ability to, please pick up, especially if you have
the ability to. Its no big deal.

 Be kind to one another; kindness is the fruit of the Spirit.
 Pray for your children, they are mighty arrows; do not allow your situation to break
them.
 Never speak evil of your ex to your child/children.
 Make the home a safe place for your child/children especially when they are visiting.
 Your child/children can still enjoy both worlds if done with wisdom, love and the fear of
the Lord.

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Healing from My Daddy Hurts

daddy hurts

I was a wounded soul and I didn’t know it. I thought I was fine although I had encountered a lot
of traumatic situations, but because I was raised in a Christian home and committed my life to
Jesus early in life, I thought I was okay. I filled the vacuum in my soul with religious activities but
not with Jesus Himself.

I knew I had a distant relationship with my dad, although he was very generous towards me and spoilt me with a lot of luxurious gifts and money, I did not like him. I just couldn’t relate to him. I somewhat resented him. Due to my quiet nature, that feeling was masked but deep down on his inside, he knew I didn’t like him because I always avoided him.

One day I wrote him a letter and told him how much I resented him. Although I took care of him
at his old age and had pity on him but I did not love him, I did my duty as a child to her aged
parent and that was it.

Then the day came for me to be healed in 2014; the Holy Spirit showed me a vision of an event
that occurred 7 weeks before my 4th birthday. I saw my dad assault my mom who was heavily
pregnant. She fell on her huge stomach and disappeared for some weeks. (She later came back
home with my baby brother) That was too graphic for my young mind and traumatic for my
innocent soul. My soul was wounded, and choked, a stronghold was formed in the mind. I
became scared of my father and felt uncomfortable around men. My dad yelled a lot whenever
he was upset, and that frightened me the more. I suffered some physical and verbal abuse from
him when I was a little girl because he had an anger problem. I developed separation
anxiety as a child and became insecure, very shy and had a poor self-image.

Then in 2014 at the age of 45, I received healing from my daddy wound and the Holy Spirit poured His love into my heart and a love for my dad. I felt the water of the Holy Spirit wash my soul and I was free. I saw a day vision of myself back in a garden as a little girl in a flowery dress running around with butterflies, and laughing very hard, and a young handsome man who happened to be my dad, playing with me and the joy was wholesome. Although my dad had gone to be with the Lord 2 years prior to the time, I felt him smile at me and I longed to be hugged by him.

At that healing meeting, an elderly minister probably in his 70s walked over to me and gave me a daddy hug. Oh! how I wept in his arms and felt the overwhelming presence of the Holy Spirit and the unconditional love of God. Today, I remember my dad with a lot of love and admiration. I remember that in his broken state he tried to love me the way he knew but he was limited because he was broken by his own daddy hurts. I remember the moments he spoke words of affirmation over my life, how he always wanted to give me the best of everything; how he promised to will a huge portion of his inheritance to me (that’s another story for another day), and how he prayed for me in his later years.

“He restored my soul…” (Psalm 23:3).